Catch and Release of Online Dating


So in my attempts to crack the code of online dating: I decided to take a man's view of dating rather than my overly ambitious-career-minded romantic D.C. valedictorian view of the process...and this is what happened.

Little fanfare, minimum to no build-up, as casual as meeting as possible as "bumping" into each other at a bar was my approach on; when online dating really is like the Amazon world of dating- lots of options, putting people in and out of my cart and an easy return policy. 

I pick my first social experiment victim. I barely know anything about him- other than he can smile, has some scuba pictures (which with mask we don't know if itis really him or not) and he can string a few words together. He opts for a seafood place local to my house which works for me. I meet the Mr. Non-Descript at the bar- and I can tell he is uneasy in this setting- sneakers on, hoodie sweatshirt, he explains he is an introvert who doesn't or hasn't gone out a lot.

I am the one that should be playing hostage in the bedroom and having the power of sex.

Okay, this is going to work (sarcasm with an eye roll there)- as I picture my last weekend...I ask myself do I want to stand in line at the gates of Heaven longer as they go over my corruption of a Minister's Son? I was hoping for the fast pass line like Disney- not VIP as a Saint or the line where the Pope is hanging out in, but more like hey come on in! We thought you would never get here. We are happy to have you- coats to the right, drinks to the left! I really don't feel like making small talk with Charlie Sheen at the bar in the Hell.

The social experiment also maintains Koi Ponds for a living- hence the scuba, he has a boat and I reeled this big beauty of a fish in my kayak from Plenty of Fish. Yes, my boat is a kayak since I haven't learned on how to graduate to a rowboat yet where two people can fit comfortably.

As he speaks, I start to see in a similarity of a fish to him, which I cannot stop looking at his bulging blue eyes nor the way his mouth moves when he talks (he also walks a little funny too- I guess his land legs are still adjusting). Koi Pond doesn't like dogs- of course not, dogs are not generally best buds with fish- and he needs an emotional connection for sex. Strangely, I am upset about this one. This is my line- I am the girl! I am the one that should be playing hostage in the bedroom and having the power of sex.

As our Patti Stanger "mini" date is winding down, I realize this one needs to be thrown back in the water, not going to get my "Master Date" (Bravo's Millionaire Matchmaker strategy- keep first meeting light, then go on a longer date later. Her show is also cancelled- go figure). To think- we didn't even need her here to remind us of the two drink maximum. And strangely, I do not feel bad since I don't feel the buildup before we met, the inflating of the fantasy of him and loyalty I would have in the past- the vain attempts to get him to fit my ideal. I didn't try to find any redeemable qualities in him to take on as a project. I think he will understand when I let him go gently back in the dating pool...I am practicing catch and release method. Now to find the next fish to spear...come here fishy, fishy, I am not going to hurt you...


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