The Space Shuttle was a legendary 66 Lincoln with suicide doors and enough power to take it into orbit. What follows is a true story about two 17 year old Crazies and their trip through time and space.
It was late afternoon on a brisk day in the fall of 87 as Suess and Bear lurked the neighborhood in the Lincoln, having spent several hours day-drinking. Mickey’s “Mean Green” and bumpers of Schlitz were on the menu.
Suess clipped a leaf pile to the amusement of Bear and then it was game-on. Before long the Lincoln prowled the neighborhood taking out bigger and bigger leaf piles. Bear pointed at a monster leave pile. “I’m taking that sh$t out!” replied Suess. Whump – the windshield went dark as the Lincoln powered through, Crazies laughing, tires spinning. The smell of burnt leaves and rubber filled the car. Steel Pulse Earth Crisis was pumping from the speakers.
“We forgot to pick up Baby.” Bear yelled as the two turned toward Baby’s house blasting along mowing leaf piles and guzzling Mickeys.
The two drunk Crazies turned onto Baby’s dead end road and Suess floor-boarded it taking out a couple more leave piles.
Suess gassed it for a big leaf pile on the left as dog leg right turn came up fast. The road dropped away and went right while the Lincoln went straight. The Lincoln took out the leaf pile and slammed into a yellow VW Bug, pushing it up into the yard and onto its side. The Crazies looked at one another… “Let's Creep!” Suess put the Lincoln in reverse to back away. The woman was in her front yard with a rake in shocked disbelief as the Lincoln shuttered back - front end crushed and right front wheel missing. The Lincoln swung wide taking out the railing on the walk way. They started back the way they came with rubber squealing and leaves flying. Baby would have to wait.
They blasted along in the injured Lincoln. Bear looked over at Suess with blood on his face, his head having shattered the windshield and said, “HEEEERES JOHNNNEY!!” like Jack Nicolas in The Shining. He laughed and continued to throw cans and bottles out the window.
“Let’s head to the Rat Traps” said Suess… a wooded area with notoriously confusing roads and the first destination if you need to lose The Man. The font end was on the ground now. Sparks flying up and over the hood lighting up the night, smoke and steam pouring from the engine.
“We’re like the Space Shuttle reentering orbit!!” piped Bear.
“Rollers!” said, Suess. The sounds of sirens were getting louder as the Crazies turned toward the Rat Traps. Suess had it floored but the Shuttle was slowing down – cutting a large groove in the road. The Shuttle was breaking up!
“You’ve gotta go! Run!” said Suess to Bear, volunteering to take one for the team. The Rollers were closing fast – only a couple blocks away… following the gouges in the pavement and trailing antifreeze like bread crumbs. Bear gave Suess a palm and scrambled out of the Shuttle and disappeared into the night.
The Rollers came from all directions. “WHERE IS YOUR FRIEND!?” “WHERE IS THE OTHER SUSPECT!?” having received the description from the woman raking. “No sir. Just me.” Suess insisted as the cops searched frantically around the smoldering Space Shuttle.
To contribute a posting or ideas for things to do or lifestyle events in the DMV area, contact us here or let us know on social media! We love suggestions!